If you or someone you know is thinking about suicide, call or text 9-8-8 or call 2-1-1. Support is available  24 hours a day, seven days a week. 

It can be frightening to realize that someone you care about may be thinking about suicide. You may worry about saying the wrong thing or simply not know what to do. You don’t need to have all the answers. What matters is being willing to stay present, listen without judgment, and make space for the person to talk about what they are experiencing. 

Here are some general dos and don’ts from CMHA Toronto’s recent Changing the Narrative: Recognizing Suicide Risk in a Stigmatized World webinar. 

DO notice changes — not just a checklist of “warning signs” 

There is no single way that a person experiencing suicidal thoughts looks or behaves. 

Some people may withdraw from friends, activities, or their usual routines. Others may throw themselves into work, humour, achievement, or caring for other people. Other possible signs include a marked sense of calm following a period of distress, increased risk-taking or substance use, and giving away meaningful possessions.  

Pay attention to the person in the context of their own life. If something feels different or out of character, check in. 

Asking about suicide does not increase a person’s risk of taking their own life. Being willing to have an open and direct conversation about suicide is a strong prevention strategy. People want and need their pain validated. 

DO make space for the conversation 

If someone tells you they are struggling, your first instinct may be to make the pain go away. But you don't have to solve the problem to offer meaningful support.  

Listen. Stay present. Let the person describe what they are experiencing rather than rushing to reassure them or tell them what to do. 

DON’T minimize, dismiss, or rush to reassure 

Phrases such as ‘you just need to think positive,’ ‘others have it worse,’ or ‘everything will be fine’ may be intended to comfort someone. But they can also communicate that their distress isn't being heard or taken seriously. 

Non-verbal responses such as avoiding eye contact, sighing, or abruptly changing the subject can also signal that the person’s pain is too difficult to discuss. 

Instead of trying to convince someone that things aren't as bad as they feel, acknowledge what they are experiencing. Phrases like, ‘That sounds really hard. I’m here with you’ or ‘It sounds like you’re in a lot of pain. Can you share more with me?’ can open a conversation instead of shutting it down. 

DO take what the person tells you seriously 

Stigma and shame can make talking about suicide extraordinarily difficult. Someone may fear being judged, being seen as weak or selfish, or becoming a burden to the people around them.  

A common misconception is that voicing suicidal thoughts is a “cry for attention.”  

For people who have experienced involuntary hospitalization, involvement with the justice system, or police-based crisis interventions, the associated trauma can also prevent them from reaching out for help. 

When someone tells you they are struggling, recognize what it may have taken for them to say it.  

You don't need to determine whether their distress is “serious enough” to deserve your attention. Listen to what they are telling you. 

DON’T judge their feelings or try to talk them out of them 

Suicidal thoughts can emerge when someone's emotional pain feels greater than their perceived ability to cope. Judging, arguing with, or trying to talk someone out of those feelings can deepen their sense of being misunderstood and alone. 

That includes seemingly encouraging statements such as ‘you have so much to live for.’ 

Instead, invite the person to talk by saying, ‘it sounds really overwhelming. Tell me more about what you're going through. I'm here to listen.’ 

You aren't agreeing that their situation is hopeless. You're showing that you are prepared to hear how it feels to them. 

DO help connect them with support 

Being there for someone doesn't mean providing all the help yourself. Help them connect with mental health professionals, crisis services, peer or community resources, or other trusted people in their life.  

If someone is thinking about suicide, you can call or text 9-8-8, Canada's Suicide Crisis Helpline, 24 hours a day, seven days a week. In Toronto, call 2-1-1 to reach the Toronto Community Crisis Service, a non-carceral crisis response available across the city 24/7. You can also contact either service if you're worried about someone else or need guidance about supporting them. 

DON’T assume you have to get everything right 

Even caring, well-intentioned people sometimes realize that something they said was dismissive or unhelpful. You can acknowledge that and try again. 

Consider saying: ‘I think I minimized what you shared earlier, and I'm sorry. I want to understand you better.’ 

DO remember your own limits 

Supporting someone experiencing suicidal thoughts can be emotionally demanding. Know your limits, maintain boundaries, use healthy coping strategies, and seek support yourself. Family members and professionals who provide ongoing support should also be alert to compassion fatigue. 

Caring for someone does not make you solely responsible for keeping them safe, nor can one person control another person's actions. 

What you can do is show up, listen, take their distress seriously, and help connect them with additional support. 

Finally, losing someone to suicide can bring a unique and complex kind of grief, and you don’t have to face it alone. CMHA Toronto’s free Grief Support Program offers a welcoming, judgment-free space to connect with others and navigate grief at your own pace. You can also contact 9-8-8 or 2-1-1 for additional support.